As most of you know I recently started a new job. I've been promising a blog post about it for a couple weeks and owed you one for much longer - but I've struggled with where to start. In a very un-me like twist, we are going to start in the middle.
My recruiter called me a week after my first interview and asked if I would take the job if they offered. My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaking because I knew my answer was yes; but I was terrified that this big of a change could happen so fast. I am a creature of habit, I like to ease into things - not leap - and boy this was a leap. It meant leaving the firm I grew up in, the one where I was promoted, a trusted adviser to my attorneys, a friend and a confidant, where my mentor was one floor away, and where I knew where all the skeletons were buried. This would mean starting over from scratch, building all those relationships, stumbling on those skeletons, earning the credibility from the ground-up, and a lot of long hours figuring out how to crawl before I could walk - let alone run.
With a thin sheen of cold sweat covering my brow, my head spun - law firms are notorious for taking months to build-up to an offer, how could they know so fast if I didn't know? But I did. I knew the moment I finished the first interview that I wanted it. This was the kind of offer that you grab onto with both hands and run. This was taking over the marquee practice, this was managing three people instead of one, this was taking a well oiled machine and bringing them to the next level in the industry - this was a giant leap and they wanted me.
As the roaring in my ears grew, I looked around my office. My fifth home in the firm. My pictures were hung, my drawers full of shoes, a scatter of nick-nacks covered my desk, my files perfectly arranged, and Muddy Waters playing quietly in the background ramping me up for the trip to NOLA in just under a month. I remembered the hours spent trying to get up to speed after the promotion. I would have to go through that again, learning all the practice - only this time I would also be trying to navigate unknown department drama and three direct reports who wanted this job. The memory of my first direct report sullenly staring at me in our first meeting, her whole face a study of petulant accusation - why were you promoted over me? - flashed before my eyes.
My breathing grew tight as I asked myself - could I really do it? It was such a big leap, could I clear that hurdle? Did I really have the chops to do all they were going to ask of me? Lord knew I sure have bumbled that management stick a few times and now they wanted me to manage not one, but three people. Three people who also wanted the job? Putting that aside, what about the actual job? Goodness gracious they were light years ahead of a lot of firms out there - could I really figure out the what's next in the industry? What was I thinking?
My vision started to tunnel and the thought drifted in - you don't have to say yes. You can stay here and be perfectly fine. You can stay the course and put in another couple years and then go after the next rung. You don't have to rush it. No one will know that you turned this down. No one will know that you didn't grab on with both hands and lean in. You can be content and perfectly fine staying middle of the road, middle of the pack. You can just be fine.
And then something happened. A thousand other voices crept in and started a new conversation. You could also be just fine there. In fact, you could be fantastic there. You could be thrive and flourish and grow leaps and bounds there. You could fit there, in a way that you never quite fit here. You could be surrounded by a new and wonderful team. You could learn new things and make new mistakes. You could develop lasting relationships with new attorneys and a new camaraderie. All the work you have done over the past 5 years has led you here. You can grab this and run. The voices of my wonderfully supportive and strong mentors, of my pushy and bossy friends, of my ever loyal and faithful family rang up into a chorus that said - take the leap, you got this.
I sucked in a deep breath, oxygen flooding my brain and shocking my system back to life, with a rush blood roared through my brain and on my exhale I said yes. The rest of the call was a blur of haggling over salary and bonuses and then suddenly I was sitting in the office that would soon not be mine trying to figure out how many trips it would take to bring home all my shoes and then bring them back into a new office that was just waiting for me arrive and dive in.
It would take 9 trips.
