Staying Sane in an Insane Life

One of the worst things about having a chronic illness is that you lose any semblance of control over your life, and as someone who likes to be in control, this can cause a lot of anxiety. When I got sick my world imploded - I gave up my dream job and was suddenly a jobless 21-year old living at home with no idea what was wrong with me and no control over everything going on in my life. Looking back on it, my parents and friends should probably be sainted for putting up with me through those 8-months post-Peace Corps/pre- & post-Lupus/APS diagnoses, because I was a mess. I was so angry and scared, I would cry and scream, and became an expert at throwing pity parties - that was when I wasn't being shuttled to and from doctors or trying to drum up the energy to get out of bed. My constant anxiety did not help matters, but everything was so out of control that managing my stress was not high on my list of priorities, and unfortunately it took me years to get around to dealing with it. Like a good Midwesterner I just put one foot in front of the other and dealt with things as they came. But I think that if I had dealt with the stress it would have made the road a lot smoother. 

As such, those of you who are going through stressful times - big or small - I recommend that you deal with the stress as well as the problem because it might just make the problem a little less intimidating. So here are my top stress-reliving tips. It took me a long time to cultivate this list, but when life gets crazy I am happy I have some go-to remedies to help me through and hopefully these can help you as you deal with whatever life is throwing at you:

• Exercise. When you are shouldering stress you want to have strong shoulders. Stress can really wear you out physically but if you are taking care of yourself you can counter that and keep yourself from getting sick. Also, exercise is a great stress reliever - a kickboxing class can be a great way to get some aggression out and a yoga class can do wonders for calming your mind (inward inversions like downward dog actually release endorphins).  
• Meditate. Mindfulness is no joke. I often have trouble sleeping and mindful meditation can calm my mind in a way that rivals Zzquill (for those of you who know me - that is saying a lot). At night it can be hard to quiet those voices that want to rehash all the problems you are going through and every terrible decision you ever made, but a few minutes of breathing and bringing yourself to the present can do a lot to make those voices take a break. It is also a good way to cool down after a good workout (see how i tied those two together?).
• At home spa. This one also falls into my cheap indulgences list, which will probably be a future post. I save fancy shampoo and bath stuff from hotels, and use them when I need to unwind or have an indulgent evening. I put on some chill music (Norah Jones or Muddy Waters), light candles, find a fluffy book, and give myself the full treatment. I use all the products, paint my nails, fix some fancy water with cucumbers in it, and afterwards I hang out in my robe listening to the music and meditating.
• Book a massage. When I need a bit more than the at home spa, I will go ahead and book a massage. As someone with a cheap soul, I usually go on Groupon or Living Social to find a deal and have yet to be disappointed with any of the deals. When I start to feel the stress in my shoulders and back I know it is time for me to book one. I prefer hot stone because I find that they break up the knots faster than a traditional massage, but you should go with whatever works for you.   
• Call someone. Texting and email are great, but sometimes you just need to actually talk to someone. Choose someone who you know won't judge or try and offer advice and tell them you want to talk it out or need a distraction. I have three different friends who I call when I need to talk - one for advice, one for distraction, and one for a bit of both - and to be honest no matter who I call I end up doing a bit of both, but it is nice to know I don't have to.
• Plan something for you. What do you love? What have you wanted to do for awhile but haven't? For me this ended up being art classes this summer, Toastmasters, and this blog. I have found that facing something I fear and challenging myself give me a sense of control - it can also be a great distraction. This can be signing up for that kickboxing class you have talked about for ages, trying to learn a new language, or taking those computer programming classes you've been considering. Another great option would be volunteering at a soup kitchen, because helping others has a way of putting life in perspective.
• Write it out. Journaling is a good way of spewing out all the stress and worry. It gets it out of your head and you can literally put it all aside once you are done. Hell, start a blog, but get it out of your head, at least for a little bit.
• Therapy. This is one way I am so NOT Midwestern - I love therapy. I think everyone should go because life can be super hard and there is no shame in getting some help to get through it. If an actual therapist isn't your jam - try a self-help book they exist for a reason and there a ton to chose from! But seriously, if your stress is getting to the point of overtaking you, go find someone to talk to, you don't have to do it alone.
• Escape. Sometimes we all just need to escape our problems to get a handle on them. Buy a cheap bus ticket to visit friends, a flight home to mom and dad, or a train ticket to an anonymous beach. Getting some distance from life can help to put everything in perspective and a long ride can give you some serious uninterrupted thinking time to figure out what is bothering you, why, and what your next steps should/could be. A quick warning about this uninterrupted time from someone who has been there: if you do this immediately post break-up/during a sad time, have someone handy to send you funny texts and keep you sane when you burst into tears on the train unexpectedly (thanks LC). 

Well, those are my tricks for keeping your sanity when your head feels like it can't possibly stay above water for another minute. Hopefully these will help you as they have helped me and if you think I missed any - shoot me a message in the comments!! 

Diet Tips from a Former Fattie

That's right everyone, I am a former fattie. Growing up I was a chunky kid, which turned into a chunky middle schooler and then a fat teenager teenager. By the time I moved to New York at 22, I was pushing 200 lbs., which at 5'6" is just on the boarder of obese.  Part of this is because I had been sick for almost a year before moving up and spent a lot of time eating and sleeping - but regardless there I was 22, living in NYC, and still the fat friend. During that first 1.5 years in NYC I dated, I made new friends, I went out and had fun, I got to know the city, I excelled at my job - but I wanted more. I wanted to not get out of breath going up the stairs, I wanted to carry my groceries without huffing, I wanted to not be embarrassed going with my friends to the gym, I wanted to borrow clothes from my them, I wanted to look in the mirror and like what I saw - so I decided to make some changes. That being said, I loved food and was super broke, as such gym memberships and fad diets were out. I was on my own, but I was determined to make some changes and within 1.5 yeas I was down to 135 lbs. I learned pretty quickly that my ideal weight - the weight where I could live my life: eat out, miss a workout, have a drink after work - was actually 140 lbs and 9 years later I am happy to report that I am still maintaining it. 

So, how did I do it and how do I keep it off (or drop it after the holidays)?  Well here are my top 5 tips, I hope they help a few of you out as you work on those NYE resolutions:

1. Eat, Eat, Eat (Your Veggies). Vegetables are so good for you, they fill you up and are packed with nutrients. When sitting down to my main meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) I try and keep at least 75% of my plate vegetables, the other 25% will be a lean protein (typically eggs, chicken, turkey, or fish) and healthy carbs (sweet potatoes, brown rice, quinoa, couscous, whole wheat bread). I also think you should be eating all day and keeping small snacks handy that provide both protein and fiber. which will fill you up and keep you going - think: yogurt and berries, almonds and fruit, almond butter and celery, carrots and hummus. Pack these at the beginning of the week so they are handy at your desk when you get hungry, instead of sugar filled granola bars or chocolates.
2. Spice it up. The food you eat while trying to lose weight should taste good and shouldn't feel like a punishment - the way to do that is to use spices.  By keeping your meals flavorful you will enjoy them more and not feel deprived while trying to lose weight. If you're nervous about experimenting with spices on your own, check out the labels as they suggest what proteins they compliment. In addition to a stocked spice cabinet, go ahead and pick up some BBQ sauce and hot sauce, these add a lot of bang for few calories. 
3. Exercise. Seriously, you've got to work for that loss. When I got started losing weight I did yoga at least 5 days a week. After I had lost the first chunk of weight I slowly started adding in some cardio and now I do a combination of both. I like yoga and bodyweight workouts, because you usually don't need a gym and they build a practical strength (i.e. being able to get up the stairs without losing your breath, carting those groceries, etc.). But whatever you choose, it should be a workout that you like, because if you don't like it - you won't do it.
4. Cheat (in Moderation). Before you get too excited, I don't subscribe to cheat days. What i advocate, and what works for me, are thoughtful cheats. This means, if you are craving a burger, go for it, but only eat half! The problem I have with cheat days are that they make the rest of your week seem like the purgatory you have to get through to get to the reward. Instead, i think you should go for it when you really want to and do it in moderation. I still love food, usually the kind that is bad for me, and I hate being deprived - so when I get a craving for pizza, first I see if it goes away (do I want this because I smelled it or am I really craving this?), if it doesn't go away, I get myself a pie, I am present while I enjoy it, but I don't eat the whole thing. 
5. Be Honest. You need to know why you are doing this and what is realistic for you. I loved being 135 lbs, but I needed to be honest about what kind of life I wanted to live and what I was willing to do to maintain it. You should know this for yourself, if you want 6-pack abs but also want to go to happy hours 2-nights a week and eat cheeseburgers - it isn't going to work. So be honest about your goals and what kind of lifestyle you are willing to maintain to get them. 

None of these are ground breaking ideas, but instead are practical tips that have worked for me and I hope they can help you as you embark on your own journey. 

The Year of Kara!

I'm a fan of 'The Middle' - which is a sitcom about a middle class family (the Hecks) living in the middle of the country and their everyday struggles. I love it so much because in a lot of ways it reminds me of my family - every time they get ahead something else happens. In one episode, the Heck's roof goes kaput and after contemplating moving to a condo the entire neighborhood comes together and helps them fix it. This reminded me so much of my parents and all the times our neighborhood came together to help each other out. Sue Heck, the daughter, also strikes a chord. She is a bit of a dork - who gets picked on by her popular brother, a joiner - who mostly gets rejected but keeps trying, happy,  optimistic, and the heart of the family. She is me when I was in high school. Since high school, I've become a bit more jaded - New York can do that to you. I've lost some of my happy - life can do that to you. I've also lost some of my dork and stopped joining. However, over the past few months, I have been working my way back to my inner Sue - joining Toastmasters, tutoring, art classes - which also brought some of the happy back. And now, I'm working on my optimism by taking a cue from Sue. 

We are nine days into 2016 and I am starting to get that optimistic feeling back. It's off to a good start with a NYE massage, a low key and productive weekend, a plan for the year, a solid budget, and I've completed one resolution (hope you're enjoying the blog)! To top it off the Packers are playing their wildcard game right here in DC. I spent all week agonizing about whether or not to spend the money on the tickets and whether or not I really wanted to go alone - as I lack any Packers fans in DC. I was willing to go, but didn't want to spend more than $100 all in, because if I ended up in a crappy section, harassed by the other side, I didn't want to spend a ton on it. I checked Ticketmaster everyday and sure enough those prices kept dropping. On Friday they were down to a $100 pre-fees and I came close, but decided to hold out a bit more. So imagine my surprise when I looked today and couldn't find a ticket under $300. I was bummed, but resigned to watch it at home. Then it happened, I got a text message from D. who told me that her friend was looking for a Packers fan in DC. About 15 minutes later, I have a free ticket to the game and am screaming my head off and dancing around my apartment. At this point, I decide I need to really embrace my inner Sue. Ever the optimist, Sue declares during both her senior year of high school and her freshman year of college that, "This is the year of Sue." So, I am taking this as my sign to really go for it and take back my optimism - I declare that This is the Year of Kara! I hope that it is your year as well. Let's all embrace our inner Sue and just be positive that everything is going to workout! With that - Happy 2016 to you all.