Staying Sane in an Insane Life

One of the worst things about having a chronic illness is that you lose any semblance of control over your life, and as someone who likes to be in control, this can cause a lot of anxiety. When I got sick my world imploded - I gave up my dream job and was suddenly a jobless 21-year old living at home with no idea what was wrong with me and no control over everything going on in my life. Looking back on it, my parents and friends should probably be sainted for putting up with me through those 8-months post-Peace Corps/pre- & post-Lupus/APS diagnoses, because I was a mess. I was so angry and scared, I would cry and scream, and became an expert at throwing pity parties - that was when I wasn't being shuttled to and from doctors or trying to drum up the energy to get out of bed. My constant anxiety did not help matters, but everything was so out of control that managing my stress was not high on my list of priorities, and unfortunately it took me years to get around to dealing with it. Like a good Midwesterner I just put one foot in front of the other and dealt with things as they came. But I think that if I had dealt with the stress it would have made the road a lot smoother. 

As such, those of you who are going through stressful times - big or small - I recommend that you deal with the stress as well as the problem because it might just make the problem a little less intimidating. So here are my top stress-reliving tips. It took me a long time to cultivate this list, but when life gets crazy I am happy I have some go-to remedies to help me through and hopefully these can help you as you deal with whatever life is throwing at you:

• Exercise. When you are shouldering stress you want to have strong shoulders. Stress can really wear you out physically but if you are taking care of yourself you can counter that and keep yourself from getting sick. Also, exercise is a great stress reliever - a kickboxing class can be a great way to get some aggression out and a yoga class can do wonders for calming your mind (inward inversions like downward dog actually release endorphins).  
• Meditate. Mindfulness is no joke. I often have trouble sleeping and mindful meditation can calm my mind in a way that rivals Zzquill (for those of you who know me - that is saying a lot). At night it can be hard to quiet those voices that want to rehash all the problems you are going through and every terrible decision you ever made, but a few minutes of breathing and bringing yourself to the present can do a lot to make those voices take a break. It is also a good way to cool down after a good workout (see how i tied those two together?).
• At home spa. This one also falls into my cheap indulgences list, which will probably be a future post. I save fancy shampoo and bath stuff from hotels, and use them when I need to unwind or have an indulgent evening. I put on some chill music (Norah Jones or Muddy Waters), light candles, find a fluffy book, and give myself the full treatment. I use all the products, paint my nails, fix some fancy water with cucumbers in it, and afterwards I hang out in my robe listening to the music and meditating.
• Book a massage. When I need a bit more than the at home spa, I will go ahead and book a massage. As someone with a cheap soul, I usually go on Groupon or Living Social to find a deal and have yet to be disappointed with any of the deals. When I start to feel the stress in my shoulders and back I know it is time for me to book one. I prefer hot stone because I find that they break up the knots faster than a traditional massage, but you should go with whatever works for you.   
• Call someone. Texting and email are great, but sometimes you just need to actually talk to someone. Choose someone who you know won't judge or try and offer advice and tell them you want to talk it out or need a distraction. I have three different friends who I call when I need to talk - one for advice, one for distraction, and one for a bit of both - and to be honest no matter who I call I end up doing a bit of both, but it is nice to know I don't have to.
• Plan something for you. What do you love? What have you wanted to do for awhile but haven't? For me this ended up being art classes this summer, Toastmasters, and this blog. I have found that facing something I fear and challenging myself give me a sense of control - it can also be a great distraction. This can be signing up for that kickboxing class you have talked about for ages, trying to learn a new language, or taking those computer programming classes you've been considering. Another great option would be volunteering at a soup kitchen, because helping others has a way of putting life in perspective.
• Write it out. Journaling is a good way of spewing out all the stress and worry. It gets it out of your head and you can literally put it all aside once you are done. Hell, start a blog, but get it out of your head, at least for a little bit.
• Therapy. This is one way I am so NOT Midwestern - I love therapy. I think everyone should go because life can be super hard and there is no shame in getting some help to get through it. If an actual therapist isn't your jam - try a self-help book they exist for a reason and there a ton to chose from! But seriously, if your stress is getting to the point of overtaking you, go find someone to talk to, you don't have to do it alone.
• Escape. Sometimes we all just need to escape our problems to get a handle on them. Buy a cheap bus ticket to visit friends, a flight home to mom and dad, or a train ticket to an anonymous beach. Getting some distance from life can help to put everything in perspective and a long ride can give you some serious uninterrupted thinking time to figure out what is bothering you, why, and what your next steps should/could be. A quick warning about this uninterrupted time from someone who has been there: if you do this immediately post break-up/during a sad time, have someone handy to send you funny texts and keep you sane when you burst into tears on the train unexpectedly (thanks LC). 

Well, those are my tricks for keeping your sanity when your head feels like it can't possibly stay above water for another minute. Hopefully these will help you as they have helped me and if you think I missed any - shoot me a message in the comments!!