Can vs. Should

I've never been great at making decisions, I always second guess myself - paranoid that I am making the wrong choice and won't be able to take it back. As I have gotten older I have worked to get better at it, reminding myself that the world won't end if I make the "wrong" choice - and in the case of picking an entree at a restaurant, I can always come back and get my second choice another time (thanks, D.)!

In my last post I mentioned that I have a bunch of big decisions right now and that I'm trying to be proactive in my decision making - talking out the choices with as many people as I can. By talking them out I am able to pick the problem apart and each time I do it I see different angles. I was doing just that a few weeks ago, trying to solve the "to move or not to move" question with my parents and a big light bulb went off: there is a big difference between 'can' and 'should.'

I have been talking about getting my own place since I moved to DC, but it has yet to happen. Going into this lease renewal I was sure that this was going to be the year: I have the budget for it, I found a good neighborhood, the timing was right - work would be busy but not insane. I could do it! But as I talked it out, I started to question if I should. You see, I have the budget, but I also have a three week trip to Peru in June and wouldn't it be nice to have that move budget to do some extra excursions on this trip?! As for where I was looking to move, it's a great neighborhood but I do really love my apartment and Old Town. As to the timing, my responsibilities at work have been expanding and may be changing in the next few months. Further, I have three weddings this spring/summer in addition to Peru, so it will be awesome to use my vacation days for these instead of moving. And as a last pebble on the scale - sharing rent for another year would mean saving a good chunk of money for another year, putting me a lot closer to a down payment on a house.  

As I watched the scales teeter back-and-forth, I realized that yes - I can move into my own place; but I was a lot less sure that I should. And then I spent a very anxious month waiting on K. to decide on her end of the question. I knew that no matter what she chose it would be okay, because I could do it, but I hoped that I wouldn't have to. On Monday, while watching the Bachelor (because that is what we do) we hashed it out and decided that we were going to re-up our lease. It felt great to have one of these decisions off my plate and to be able to move forward with some more things that I had been putting on hold (i.e. start dating, start my Roth IRA, plan a trip to NYC, etc.).

So, next time you have a big decision hopefully the "can vs. should" scale will help you out like it did for me on this one! 

Speak up!!

My mother loves to tell people that when we moved into our house in Florida she had to tell the neighbors that they weren't beating me...I just had a set of lungs on me that rivaled a banshee and was prone to temper tantrums. You can imagine their surprise when I started school and they were told that I was incredibly quiet and needed to speak up more. I spent more years than I'd like to admit finding a balance between those temper tantrums and speaking up, but I like to think that I have found it.

The past few weeks have been a bit rough - lots of decisions to be made and many of them out of my hands (which I HATE). I'd been using my de-stress tips to keep sane, but I realized that it also might be time to speak up about some of them. These conversations aren't easy ones, but at least I would know that I was making an effort to change the situation. With that in mind, I emailed a variety of contacts and set up a slew of meetings. I reached out to people who had been where I was and asked them how they decided what to do and what they wish they had known. I got some great advice and began to feel better about the decisions I needed to make and felt more comfortable about the ones that were out of my control.

Since I was on a roll, I decided to also address some situations at work. I have been having trouble with a co-worker recently and ignoring the situation wasn't solving it - so I asked her to coffee. 25 minutes and two Starbucks later and we were back on even keel. From there I decided to go for gold and made a meeting with my boss. Reviews are in the Spring, but I figured it couldn't hurt to start the conversation with my boss now to discuss where I am at, where I'd like to go, and what I need to do to get there. She is a great boss and incredibly savvy woman, and she thought it was the perfect time to start the discussion and was happy that I was speaking up. It was certainly not the week I expected at work, but served as a great reminder that by speaking up I was more in control than I realized. 

As the month comes to a close, I hope that you all can take a look at your life and speak up about whatever is bothering you or on something that you have been putting off - you might be surprised about what comes of these conversations!