How Barry Made Me Friends

Making friends as an adult is HARD. Like for real. Unlike in school, you do not have an infinite pool to choose from or an unlimited amount of time to hang out and get to know them. By the time you are in your 30s you are choosing between people you meet at work or friends of your existing friends or SO. Both of these are viable options and can work out, but I have always been hesitant about mixing work people with my outside life. At work, I tend to be very focused and professional and don't want to cross that line into delving into my personal life. I'm pretty sure this stems from my first job in NYC. I was young and dumb, and hence I was super open and it got awkward....let's just say that I hugged my boss, more than once. It got to be a thing I did, until she strategically arranged a conversation with me in the room where she announced that she didn't like hugs. I was 22 and should have known better, but it happened and I still cringe when I think about it and am - right now - turning various shades of red just remembering.... 

After that, work life balance became not just about me having a life outside of work - it became having a separate life from work. I became a mystery to my co-workers, some of my former colleagues still have no idea if I even have parents. For the most part this has worked out successfully for me. However, every once in awhile my Midwestern friendliness breaks through and I find myself with a friend. That is how I ended up with L., who has the opposite view and is friends with all her co-workers. Less than a month on the job she asked me if I wanted to go run a 5k on a perfectly nice Saturday morning, I kept walking down the hall and called over my shoulder "The only way you will see me running is if there is something big and scary behind me." Nevertheless she persisted and within 6 months, I broke my rule and made one of my best friends. (A year later I ran that damn 5k with her. She is sneakier than she first appears.) 

Fast forward 4 years, which is how long I have been at my current job, and no work friends. I had some casual lunch buddies, a select few who I might go grab a drink with, I was doing good. And then it happened. This fall they hired two new managers. And dammit I liked them, as people. Not only were they funny, sarcastic, and smart - but they cut through the office politics and were willing to call people on their BS - I respected them. Next thing I knew we were texting and after 6 months, I sent the following:

K: I just met my new neighbor Barry - who broke up with his GF and got roomies to save money, but is now looking at 3 different single units in the building. He used to be in radio, but is now in sales, drives a yellow smart car, and was drinking coconut liquor coffee whiskey, and flax seed milk in a coffee mug while having a smoke. I'm exhausted just after listening to him. I don't think I told him more than - I moved here on April 15, and what I was drinking (coconut water and gin). I'm not sure he breathed while imparting all this knowledge to me. I think he thinks my name is Carol.
S: hahahahahahaha!!

  

K: If I marry him, please read this as a toast. Also if I ever try to date him - slap me.
S: I can do both. Promise.

And with this exchange I realized that it happened again, I made friends with my co-workers, and I was okay with it. Living in a transient city like DC means that people are always coming and going, and the last few years I have had a number of very dear friends make the decision to go. Having some new people, especially ones who can make a promise like S., around is pretty awesome. I know I will always struggle with breaking that boundary in the office, but so far it has served me pretty well. And now I enjoy having a couple people in the office who know that I DO have parents, if I had a date the night before, and when I drank a little too much on a Thursday night. So, while I haven't conquered the making friends in your 30s thing, I have definitely made some strides in the right direction. And who knows, maybe Barry will be next*!



*I have not seen Barry since that fateful night in May, so no updates on which unit he ended up in, and S. has not had to slap me yet. But it has only been a month and I signed a 2-year lease...