Lessons Learned 1: Boundaries. I have been at the new job for 8 months now, and while I love it and am so happy I took the leap, I have done a terrible job at setting boundaries for myself. Not only have I been working 10+ hour days on a more than regular basis I have let myself get emotionally bogged down in some of the problems I have had to face. As I went into my holiday break I was burned out. I was at about a 9.7 on the emotional anxiety scale and I wasn't doing a very good job balancing or keeping it at the office. Basically I backslid in a huge way on three years worth of therapy. So I am reminding myself, boundaries are healthy and necessary and if I don't set them and respect them - then I won't be happy for much longer - no matter how great things are.
Lesson Learned 2: Patience. I am not a patient person. I have talked about this ad nauseam on here and don't think I will ever change that completely. However, when dealing with other people, especially as half of a couple, you can't push your agenda or your wants on to the other person and expect them to immediately be on the same page...even if it is a pretty great page and you know they would be happy there! :) As C. and I have traveled together over the last year and change I have had to force myself to just enjoy the ride and not be constantly focused on the next turn. I may not know where or when we are going to end up, but if I keep myself in the moment with him then I get to enjoy a pretty fantastic ride. Plus, showing up together is way better than waiting alone at the destination. (He may argue that I am not as good about this as I am making it sound - but he isn't the one writing this - so he can shove it and work on catching up so we can take the next turn together!)
Lesson Learned 3: Mixed Feelings Are Okay. Not everyone in my life knows that I have a brother, and there is a reason for that. The relationship is difficult to say the least and while we have reached a detente of sorts we are far from being friends or from him having my cell phone number and being allowed to use it. I have outlined to him that while he may live in the now, I have 20 years of learned behavior from him that is counter to the last year and a half of his life. He recently shared some news that shook my family to the core and we are still reeling from it. I wish I could be excited for him and I do truly feel empathy that he is not able to receive the joy from us that would normally surround such circumstances. However, I do understand my boundaries (here) and know that is not within my emotional wheelhouse. I accept the sadness and pity while also accepting the anger and disappointment in this situation. I also understand that I may never have easy, normal, or straightforward feelings in this relationship, but that for now we do have a relationship and that is more than I was willing to give a year ago.
And now for the Sankalpas. For the new readers - last year I tried this exercise in lieu of resolutions as a more positive approach to a new year on the planet. While I did not repeat them every day, I did at least once a week (often more) and found them to be an empowering and centering practice. As such, I wanted to make them a new tradition and for this year take in not only the lessons learned from above but also take a look at what I hope to accomplish in 2019 as I set these new intentions. So, for 2019:
I trust and respect my needs and boundaries. And, With strength and compassion I walk a path to success.While I think these are pretty self-explanatory, I will add that I really want to focus on trusting my instincts and being more kind to myself and others. Life is tough and I think we could all use a little more patience and compassion over the next 12-months. And with that, I wish you all a very happy end to your 2018 and big wishes for a spectacular new year.
