Well blog followers, here we go again...I'm dating! Which means fun dating stories for everyone here. I don't want to get your hopes too high, as it is still early days, but I wanted to share a few first impressions with you.
First, it is good to update your profile. I am back on eHarmony and it has been two years since I was on here. In addition to updating my pictures to feature me with luscious locks in lieu of the pixie I rocked back when I turned 30 - D. pointed out that it may be a good idea to update the match preferences section of my profile and re-do the questionnaire. As my matches before the update were either hipster beer snobs, who wanted to go for a hike and tell me about this new amazing band that I have never heard of; or douchey finance guys who had multiple pictures with their new car, riding a motorcycle, and hangin' with their crew at the opening of the newest, trendiest bar. So yeah, not exactly what I'm looking for these days. After 30 agonizing minutes, I made it through the quiz and was rewarded with some 30-something matches who are much more grounded, and have pictures of their dogs, talk about Netflix marathons, traveling, and going to their neighborhood pub. Success!
Second, people's expectations can be crazy. I forgot about this, or more likely I blocked this from my memory; but seriously - some people are just out of touch with reality. The first thing I do when I'm going through my matches is check out their pictures. Not to be totally shallow - but attraction is important - so why pretend otherwise. After that I read through their profiles and I typically find that the answer to the question "What are you looking for in your match" tells me the most about a guy. This is where you find out if they had a really crappy breakup [some real examples include, "She must be HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY." read: cheated on - probably a lot. "She has to be kind and respectful of her partner and his opinions and not harp on little mistakes." read: told they were wrong a lot. "She has to be fun and not take life too seriously. She should know that works isn't life." read: workaholic ex. "She should know what she wants out of life and be confident to go after what she wants. She should be able to walk in a room and not depend on me." read: hot mess]. In addition to being an easy way to decide "send a smile" or "block this match" this is also where you find some really unbelievable expectations. There was one match I got (pre-updated profile) who described his ideal woman "I love beautiful, confident, and sexy women that are completely comfortable being a lady. Are you drop dead gorgeous, confident, secure, optimistic, intelligent, honest, outgoing, fun, sexy, happy, and a lady? My ideal woman is in great shape with a great body, long hair, beautiful eyes. Exercise and a healthy diet are a big part of her life...." It went on, there were a couple more references to a fit body and sexy being an ideal quality. He had some definite ideas about his perfect lady right? And I was stunned, because as I scrolled back through his pictures I was confused as this guy was easily 300 lbs and made no mention of his OWN love of exercise in his profile. It was just crazy that he had this expectation for his partner but was in no way going to live up to a similar standard. So yeah, people be trippin'!
Third, you gotta work! There are a lot of profiles to wade thorough and a perfect match doesn't happen instantaneously. I am someone who reads the last chapter before I get started - so not exactly patient, but online dating is not about instant results (well,Tinder kind of is, but not eharmony). So for me this is a bit of a challenge. Each morning I have anywhere from 5-15 profiles to go through and then about 20-30 messages to review and respond to - that takes a LOT of time! A number of these obviously get the pass, but the ones that don't - you want to give a thoughtful reply to, and that takes time...add to that there are more than a few who you end up talking to and the next thing you know -you are on the app for an hour every morning. Gah, dating is sooo much work!
Finally, this can be fun. Despite all the weird and crazy outlined in 2 and 3 above, it is sooo exciting to see a really cute picture and then scroll down to find an interesting profile that grabs your attention and then to find a message from him that is thoughtful and engaging. That is what makes this totally worth it and I am happy to report that I have had such a scenario play out for me already on this round - so here is hoping that pretty soon I will be telling you about some fun and interesting dates with these fellows!!
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