Old Year/New Year

As 2016 comes barreling at us, I feel obliged to do a post on the closing year and my resolutions for the new year. 

2015 started out with a bang and so much promise but fizzled pretty quickly. I took a quick look at my "year in review" on Facebook and it was pretty dismal to say the least, which could be because I deleted so many couple pictures post-breakup. But to give you a quick recap: first breakup (ever), demoted from office to cubicle (due to office renovation), financial disaster,Troy went to prison, Byron made it through surgery, took art classes, joined Toastmasters, first steps towards financial recovery, started blog, felt feelings (new to me), joined an empowering book club, booked a three-week trip to Peru for 2016, started tutoring, had an Americana 4th of July, went on three fantastic trips to NYC, donated pounds of clothes to charity, finally got a long term birth control, made a second visit with mom to Nora Robert's Inn, had two lovely visits home to Florida, had two great friends get engaged to wonderful people, and had my best friend buy a beautiful home - which I got to visit this Christmas. It was not the year I pictured having when it began, but in the immortal words of the fairy godmother from Disney's "Descendants" - Don't focus on the past or else you miss the future. 

In that vein, onto 2016. I've been working on my resolutions and I've decided to keep them simple and positive, because doing something because I 'should' makes it a chore and not a positive addition to my life. As such, for my new year: I will start dating again (it is time), I will finish the full Kayla program (and not stop with two weeks to go), I will keep blogging (and actually share this with more than three friends), I will make an attempt to learn another language (maybe Spanish so that I can negotiate prices in Peru!), I will give a Toastmasters speech without note cards (eeeek), I will meditate (or at least try), I will make the next steps in my career (or at least figure them out), I will increase my house fund (yay), and I will pat myself on the back for all I have accomplished and overcome (it is time to be nicer to myself). With that, I think I will cross one off and finally publish this - I hope you enjoy the blog and your new year!

Life Lessons from Hallmark

I have a longstanding love affair with the Hallmark channel. I'm not sure how it started, but the relationship was cemented with the generous showings of Murder, She Wrote and the fact that they turn my beloved romance novels into real life, terrible movies. (And I do enjoy a terrible movie, as evidenced by my love for SyFy movies.) As most people know, Hallmark magically turns into a 24-hour Christmastime romance movie marathon. Normally, I'm all about the marathon; however, this year I'm still in the post-breakup state of mind and not quite ready for all the lovey-dovey, happy endings that Hallmark is guaranteed to give me. I know that it has been 8 months since the break-up, but I'm just not ready for Hallmark level love. 

That being said, last Sunday morning I gave in and watched 'Tis the Season for Love starring Hallmark darling, Sarah Lancaster. The movie was adorable and really got me thinking. Not to spoil the movie, but a rough plot synopsis follows: Sarah plays a failing Broadway star who comes home for Christmas, while home she begins to wonder if it is time to give up on the dreams that aren't happening and build new ones. Of course there is also love to be had in the hometown - the love interest is a cute fireman, who would never exist in my hometown - as well as a part-time job teaching drama and a Santa who seems to have a magical touch. In the end she gets a Broadway part, as an understudy, goes back to NYC, and then gives up NYC to follow her new found hometown dreams. 

A few years ago, I would most definitely have wanted to scream "What are you doing?!" while I watched this. Now, though, I actually went "Huh." I would never give up my dreams for a part-time job, but recognizing my reaction change made me very aware of the underlying theme of the movie. The idea that you should reevaluate your dreams and not just blindly follow them really hit home with me. I have always been someone who sets a goal and follows it. I often check-in with myself to make sure that I am on track to achieve the goal; however, it has been a long while since I looked to see if the goals I have set are still the ones I actually ones I want. 

As we near the end of 2015 and begin to think about a new year of opportunities, I realize that it is a good time to reevaluate my goals in addition to checking if I am on track. My initial thought is that - yes, I am doing what I want to do and am still on track - but Hallmark has made me want to really dig in and look at it from all the angles. I am heading to Florida for vacation on Friday and plan on spending the week decompressing and thinking about what I want out of my life and if the goals I have set will help me achieve them. I will also keep my eyes peeled for any hot, single, smart, perfect fireman, because, who knows, Hallmark might be on to something. So as you end your year, I encourage you to look at your dreams and figure out if the dreams you are chasing are still the ones you want to catch - or if perhaps, you might want something different than you did at 22.

Can You Be On Fleek At 31?

This week I had my third speech for Toastmasters and I thought it might make for a good third post, as it gives some more insight into me and where I am at in my life right now. As such, here it is, I hope you enjoy!

Over the last year I started noticing strange phrases coming out of my mouth - things like: "Why do you have to shorten baby to Bae?" "What is AF and why do small children keep saying it?" "Are these interns really old enough to have a job?" "On Fleek, seriously?" Which culminated in the big question -  When did I get old?  

Seriously, how can I be out of touch, I'm barely over 30 - this isn't supposed to happen until you hit 40, right? I mean I manage the Twitter account for my practice group and produce my firm's cybersecurity podcast. I am in touch with what is happening in the universe, and yet this weekend I said "youngins." And last month when I trained for the tutoring program I am participating in - I discovered that kids don't even learn to read in the same way that I did....when did that happen? I never thought that not having a kid would make me feel older - but missing a whole change in the teaching curriculum certainly took me by surprise.

Faced with this new insight, I turned to the internet to confirm my suspicions. It turns out that the transition from your 20s to your 30s can be summed up with stunning accuracy on the Buzzfeed (see also, parties, drinking, life). According to the multiple lists I found on the subject - I was acing being 30  by discovering rather suddenly that I am old. Apparently after college, the years sort of blend together and you don't realize how old you are - and this is how it all begins.  I won't go into all of the items on these lists, but there were a few overarching themes that really hit home on the subject.

First up, Facebook. I won't claim that the change in my facebook feed occurred overnight, but it did seem to happen a bit like a tidal wave. All of the sudden the concert pics and status updates about that amazing new club opening were replaced with engagements, weddings, trips to Costco, and babies...so many babies. How do I know this many people who have multiple children - it is like they hit up a BOGO sale on babies - why get just one, when you can an extra for half price?!

Next up, getting carded. I remember those first few heady months of being 21 and excitedly handing over my ID every time the bouncer held out his hand. I also remember those few years of being annoyed about the hassle of it. And then it happened. I showed up at the bar and was waived in, while some nubile young thing behind me was asked to hand over proof of age. And suddenly getting carded became awesome again. Every time I get asked now - it is like the ultimate compliment. I don't care that it is the law in DC to card everyone - I am choosing to believe that they think I don't look a day over 20 and forking it over with a stupid, smug smile on my face.

On the upside of actually not being 21 - and sub-point on this list - at least I have learned that red wine beats shots. Not only is it heart healthy (among other benefits), but also hangovers suck. I mean back in my 20s it could be rectified with a breakfast sandwich and Gatorade, but now after a few shots to commiserate Nirvana being played on the classic rock station (really?!) and I am punished with a 2 day hangover.

Back to the list, FOMO, or more exactly, the dissipation of FOMO. Somewhere in my late 20s, the fear of missing out started to disappear and by the time I hit 30, FOMO was a thing of the past. It was like I had earned an adult scouting badge the first time I turned down plans that weren't 100% appealing and instead stayed in on a Friday night to eat pizza, watch some Netflix, and go to bed early. I didn't care if my friends were having fun at some amazing concert - I was happy to be binge watching My Name is Earl and scarffing down Dominos. It was a magical night and I'm pretty sure that my FB status message about it was more exciting than the 95th baby picture that popped up in my feed that night.

As a seemingly conflicting item, "Being Busy." Now, this one falls into both the 20s vs. 30s list and the "You might live in DC if" lists, because if you live in this city your calendar is required to be full. But either way - suddenly my datebook is jam-packed with wedding showers, birthday parties, book clubs, alumni events, networking cocktail hours, dates, travel, toastmasters, out of town visitors, and get-togethers with other overbooked friends.  I think this is part of the reason that FOMO disappears, when I have this many obligatory appointments, I really cherish those nights off and try to limit what bookings I can. I really relish those instances when I can say no to something and clear a night off.

Finally, people assume you have your shit together. I saved this one for last because it totally sneaked up on me and until I read the Buzzfeed list I didn't even realize it had happened. However it had. This summer when those babies they called interns came into the office they looked at me expectantly while I gave them their assignments and made appointments with me to discuss the details. Our 23 year old assistants call me to ask how I would handle projects, and the new guy wants to get coffee to "pick my brain." The initial reaction of "Oh crap, they think I know what I am doing," was eventually followed with, "well I do." Because I have been doing this for almost 10 years now and I really do have the answers to the questions they ask, and if I don't know, I can usually figure it out. It was shocking to realize that I was at the tail end of that whole, fake it until you make it thing.  

So as I finished reading though all these lists explaining to me all the ways that I am indeed old. I realized that it wasn't all bad, sure I don't know the names of all the guys in One Direction, or the latest terminology - but if I really need to find out - there is always Google (or a new crop of interns to ask). And ultimately, even if I could, I wouldn't go back to my 20s, unless it was to invest more in my 401(k).

Strong

The last few months have been a whirlwind of stress, sadness, anger, fear, and determination. Back in April I was broken-up with for the first time, shortly thereafter my finances flew into a mess, and then I was slammed at work. To say it has been a bit overwhelming is an understatement and I have just focused on getting through and doing whatever comes next.


After the break-up I meditated, took an art class, read a self-help book, cried, watched movies, worked out, ate some ice cream - in other words, I dealt with it. During the subsequent financial crisis I reset my budget and spending priorities, read books on saving, tinkered with my 401k, and once again, I dealt. While dealing with all of this I was also dealing with long hours at work. I was determined to not let my life fall apart and it didn't.  

But while I was getting through I also wanted to keep enjoying my life - I joined a book club, I extended my work trip by a few days to make for a cheap vacation, I challenged myself by joining Toastmasters, I enjoyed Netflix dates with my roomie, meditated, used the gym as a stress reliever, played pen-pals with my out-of-town friends, and had some serious phone dates with my parents. Suddenly I was living my life and enjoying it and time flew by. Next thing I knew, I was dating again, my finances were in order, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel at work.

Which brings me to today. I was working out in my apartment, gyms aren't really my thing, and the 'on demand' went out with 8 minutes to go of Madam Secretary...I reset the box and started jogging in place while I waited for it to reset, and all of the sudden I got the urge to dance. As I started to dance around the room, I let go, I let go of the worry, the stress, the sadness, the anger, all of it; and before I knew it I was really letting go - my arms were in the air, they were waving like I just didn't care. I was doing moves I hadn't done in years  the hand jive, the macarena, the electric slide - it was amazing. The more I danced the stronger I felt, and a chant started forming in my head: 'I am strong, I am stronger than I know, I've got this, I overcame, here I am, I'm not going anywhere, It is going to be okay, better than okay, it is going to be great!'  I couldn't stop repeating it. It became my mantra, better than the ones I used in yoga. It reverberated through my body. It just felt so good to let go and to say out loud that I was okay.

The thing is, I am strong, stronger than I give myself credit for and I will make it through whatever comes next, because as the song goes "whatever doesn't kill you..." I pulled my life out of the nose dive and am looking forward to seeing where I land this time! Hopefully the next time you are going through something that seems too tough to handle you can try dancing it out and finding your own mantra, because it sure as hell worked for me.

Icebreaker

I think that the first blog post is a bit of an icebreaker for the writer to introduce herself to the reader, so that is how I am going to treat this.
Hi, my name is Kara! I'm 31, single, and live in DC. As a bit of background, I'm originally from Wisconsin, I grew up in Florida, went to school in New Jersey, and I moved to the New York/New Jersey area post-graduation and stayed there until I moved to DC 5 years ago. 

What this means is: I'm a huge Green Bay Packers fan and I love beer and cheese; I am the pastiest beach-bum you will ever meet, the flamingo is my spirit animal because of our mutual love for shrimp, a pina colada with an umbrella is my favorite drink, and it doesn't feel like Christmas until I see palm trees wrapped up like candy canes with lights; I have deep appreciation for bagels and a serious love affair with pizza.  

As for interest and hobbies - I enjoy cooking (not just eating!), am an avid reader, and like every good late-20s/early-30s something: I also love travel. All of which I will be talking about on here pretty regularly. 

Another thing you should know: I have Lupus, an autoimmune disease. I was diagnosed when I was 22 after suffering a blood clot while in the Peace Corps. On a day-to-day basis, aside from having to take some meds, this doesn't really affect my life but long term it does. I am sure I will get into that on here as well, but for now just know that I am a survivor.  

I can't finish up my icebreaker without mentioning a very important part of my life -– my (kind of) cat, Byron.  I adopted my little old man 7 years ago from a shelter in NYC.  He was 7 at the time and came from a hoarder who had 30 cats living in 600 sq feet (I try not to think of the smell).  We are a bit of a set, and I am fine with any cat lady analogies - I mean at this point - Taylor Swift has essentially made it trendy to be one. 

Thanks for checking out my blog - I hope you enjoy it!