Love is My Battle Cry

I spent a long time trying to decide what I wanted to write about today- there is a lot going on in the world at large and in my world in general. Did I focus on the amazing miracle that entered the world a few weeks ago, the loss that my family suffered yesterday, the March last weekend, or the fear that I am feeling under this new administration. As I swirled all these things around in mind I decided that I wanted to talk about it all and how I am handling them. 

The last few weeks have been pretty rough for me. It started on the 13th, when I had one of the worst days I've ever had at work which continued into the next week where each day had another fire - until I ended up coming home from work in tears on Wednesday and didn't leave the office until 10pm on Thursday the 19th. I was at my wits end, I was exhausted, I was at a lost for how to handle all the problems, and when my co-worker accused me of being terrible at my job - it was the straw that broke the camel's back. It didn't help that I live in DC and the weight of the inauguration was bearing down on the city as I was being dealt blow after blow. Each morning I woke up still stressed from the day before and desperately trying to prepare for whatever may happen that day while wading through the trepidation that was descending on the city as the inauguration got closer and closer. On my commute into the city, I would send my "3 things" email to my girlfriends (we send each other 3 things that are happening in our life each day of the work week), and mine felt like depressing re-caps of all the disasters. In response, they would each send me so much love - this became my buoy that got me into work each morning. Once there I did the best I could, I reached out to colleagues and mentors, I messaged friends when I felt defeated, and I got so much love and respect back and garnered strength from all those positive vibes. I stood up and faced each challenge and I stood up to the unruly coworker - I would not be bullied, I would not be beaten.

On Friday, I woke up exhausted but felt like I made it through. Only to realize that I now had to face the inauguration. I did what any sane person, who had just made it through the week from hell would do, I snuggled up on the couch with Byron and watched The Bachelor, Troop Beverly Hills, and Independence Day, ordered Dominos, and made signs for the March on Saturday. Sitting around in my living room with LC and K, I let myself get lost in the joy of crafting and being with good friends. I was excited and nervous for what Saturday would bring - would the demonstration be threatened or would it be respected?  

We left at 7am and were in place at 8am, it was a peaceful and uniting day. I felt empowered by all the people out there with me, I felt strong, I felt the love. There was anger, but moreover the sentiments were love and a kinship that together we could survive whatever may come after this. And that is exactly what I want those who didn't understand why I was marching, or who thought I was pouting because my candidate lost, or who just thought I am an angry feminist out there stomping my feet when "women already are equal," to have as a takeaway. Please understand that this wasn't a temper tantrum, this was about us uniting in love and solidarity, standing up to say that we will not be silent. The reality is, if women were actually equal: we would have equal pay; little girls would not, by the age of six, assume that the smart person in a story is a boy; we would be able to walk down the street and not have to worry about being harassed; we would not be treated like offenders when we reported a sexual assault; and we would not have a president who thinks locker room talk is okay. 

So yes, there is a lot to be angry about, and I am, but I am trying not to lead with my anger - because there is already too much anger and hatred in the world. Instead, I want to lead with love: love for those who are struggling right now - I will support you however I can; love for those that are scared and confused - I am with you and you are not alone; love for those who are being harmed - I will give you my ear if you need to scream and I will give you my voice to help you be heard; and love for those who don't understand why I am upset and concerned - I hope my love inspires empathy and understanding to blanket your anger. 

Love doesn't make me soft and weak in my fight for this cause, love makes me strong. Love helps me get up after yet another shitty day, it helps me stand taller when you try and push me down, it helps me find compassion instead of hatred, it helps me remember that there is more to this world than this moment and we will get through to tomorrow. So as the year marches forward and we continue to face new challenges and hardships, please remember to be gentle with yourself and with others - and make Love, not anger, your battle cry - there is already enough anger and not nearly enough love.