Mr. Had Many Women

In the movies blind dates end up being a misadventure between a mismatched duo - usually in a mistaken setup by friends, a computer, or a random twist of fate - that ends with them falling madly in love. In my life, the story goes a little more like this. 

After our weekly managers meeting, my Ukrainian co-worker tells me that she needs to speak to me. We get to my office, she closes the door, and with no preamble says, "So are you single?" After the affirmative, she tells me that she wants to set me up with a friend of her husband and begins to describe him: "He works at the EPA - he is quite successful, he is well-traveled, he is athletic, he is funny, he is close with his family, he is very handsome." Sounds like a catch right?! I'm totally in. 

And then she continues...."I don't know how old you are, but he is 45. Don't worry though, he doesn't look it. For years my girlfriends meet him and want me to set them up, but I say no. He was too much the player. Over the last year though, many things have happened - his brother dies - and so he is now much more mature. When I saw him last, I ask him - 'So you ready to settle down?' and he says yes. So now, now I set him up. He may be 45, but I promise you, he is very good looking. And when I say good looking, I mean he has had many women. But no more. So you are interested, yes?" After a statement like that, how could I not be? "Set it up!" 

I think she worried that I was going to back out, and so she sent me his LinkedIn profile that afternoon. Turns out she was not lying - he did not look 45, and he was quite handsome. I obviously shared this story with all my nearest and dearest, who quickly dug up his Facebook profile, which confirmed that the tiny picture on LinkedIn was not an aberration, he was indeed handsome. Facebook also confirmed that he was well-traveled and also featured a bevy of beautiful women. He HAD had many women. This was turning out to be a great start to my first blind date.

I must have passed his LinkedIn test as well, because within a week he had my email address and we were setting up our first date. Because we are both annoying DC-ites we ended up having to plan two weeks out, which I made even more interesting by chopping my hair back to a pixie. To be fair, I did mention to my co-worker that I was thinking of doing this, to which she responded by once again closing my door and having a long talk with me. This time she explained to me that it may have been awhile since she dated, but some men prefer long hair and maybe I should consider holding off until after the date. She also told me that I should always be the one to end a phone call with a man - apparently she read it in a book somewhere - and she is now married and I am not, so I should really take her advice to heart. I am still unclear of the correlation here, but either way I didn't listen to her advice. Upon seeing me the next day - post haircut, I got another lecture about how I had now shattered Mr. Had Many Women's expectations. I nodded solemnly and assured her that I would let him know in advance about my new appearance so that he wouldn't be shocked. I don't think she appreciated my levity. 

The big date happened to be the first night of the firm's Partners' Retreat, so I had a full plate all day and barely had time to worry if my new shorn locks were going to be a turnoff to my would-be suitor. I did remember to shoot him a message in the morning letting him know about my change in appearance and advising him that should he have any concerns about recognizing me, I would be the one in a blue dress. (Fingers crossed no other redheads with short hair showed up in a blue dress, what would he do?) And suddenly it was zero hour and I was headed from the Retreat to the big date, the restaurant was around the corner from the office and I was walking back with a couple of other co-workers, which is when I discovered that they all KNEW. I got some winks and nudges and suddenly, what had been a lark in my mind and a hope for a fun blog post, became a story that I was going to have to report on the next morning. Oh god, what had I done?! No turning back now, I had to slip on my heels and walk into that restaurant.

Turns out, I was the only redhead in a blue dress and he immediately spotted me and waved me over, and it also turns out that my co-worker was not kidding. This man was a unicorn. He was honest to God, one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen. I have some healthy self-esteem, I am a solid 8; but this man, this man was an 11. He did not look 45, he could easily pass for 35. He was smart, he was funny, he was well-traveled, and spoke multiple languages. He was heavenly. And there was zero spark. Zip, zero, nada. But putting that aside, I was on a date with a dreamy 11, so there was no way I was going to let that stop me. I pulled out all the charm and our drinks turned into dinner down the street, which was where I went wrong. I should have stopped while I was ahead, because my exhaustion from the retreat started to settle in and the lack of chemistry gradually become apparent - the conversation lost what little sizzle it had and by the time we split a burger it was clear that there would be no second date. We settled the bill and by this time it had started to rain, so we decide to grab ubers home. As we stood under the awning of the restaurant waiting for our respective cars, it occurred to me that if a woman is lucky she will get a chance to go out with a unicorn once, maybe twice in her lifetime, so who knew when, or if, this would happen to me again. As my car pulls up, he goes in for the hug goodnight and instead I go for it and plant one on him - I mean I am never going to see him again, and....UNICORN. He, being a gentleman, went with it and then I jog out to my uber satisfied with my evening and smug that I have truly succeeded in my first blind date experience.